You never are prepared of what is happening next in your life. Life changes and transition is never ending. You just have to accept and aim for the best.
Yesterday the phone rang around 20.35 with a blocked number and the call lasted for only 3 minutes. It was Docter W. from the DNA agency.. I was cheering in my head; they have the results already! Ofcourse as it is now only for one person so less time needed.. and certainly he did not have the same words for me as in September 2013.
He stated the following; ‘I apologize and need to inform you that the DNA is not good enough for research. There is a flatliner which means there is no usefull DNA on the cotton swaps to use for us.’ – ‘Uuuuhm OK, are you sure?’ I said, not exactly sure what to say back as my Dutch house of cards just fell apart on my Iranian floor.
What happened? Where did it go wrong? I had everything prepared as it should, I sent instruction in English and Persian, I e-mailed it a couple of times to make sure they understand, I checked if everything was clear to them. Do they understand the word clear? My perfectionist voice takes a stroll with me and I was angry, sad and dissapointed.. in life and myself. After half an hour or so the voice freely dissapeared into acceptance.
Het is wat het is. Inshallah.. Angels only know. It’s OK and let’s move on from here. It
cost me money so that hurts a bit without any result and three weeks gone by in time. I did the best I could do and it turned out differently. Apparantly the Angels have other plans.
Maybe the Angels are secretely yelling into my submissive ears that I should visit my mysterious Iran. And bouncing on the door of my heart to let the SUN shine again for Iran. When I go, I know. For sure. In 2014. And yes I am sh*t scared too. Contradiction it is. Love vs Fear. Love wins. I just need a bit of time. 38 years to be precise. Two weeks ago I put my Iranian football shirt on the wall of my my bedroom. It is above my feet when I wake up or go to bed. So I see the words IRAN every night, morning or day! Sweet!
Tonight I received an e-mail of Zahra and she wrote that the family in Iran has decided to do a DNA test in Mashhad and I will send them my DNA rapport by mail. So it is again out of my hands and I will as always surrender to time in the now..
Thanks for listening.
With love only.
PS. “And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,
“You owe me.”
Look what happens with love like that.
It lights up the sky.” -HAFEZ-