My passions in life

My passion for writing started at an early age. At home we never talked about emotions or subjects which are related to emotions. We never spoke to each other at home that way. My parents can only behave out of ratio and emotions scare them. Now I know it is because of their own past, their own pain. Their history is not mine. The way they behave towards me has nothing to do with me, it is their own reflection of life. I scare them with my emotions, my questions and my open heart. We do not relate to eachother. Unfortunately. That is why I started writing to express myself. My grand-mother gave me a diary when I was ten years old, ever since I have been writing about my life.
In 2001 I started writing poetry in Dutch, when I chased my dream in South Africa I started writing in English too. I started blogging in 2007. Blogs about my life with a deeper message within. I could only explore my life when I started living on my own. To be able to see life with my own eyes, to love me. First I had to drop the huge wall I builded around myself. A wall of shame, rejection, loneliness and fear as I had turned all my emotions within and didn’t dare to speak out at all. To stand for who I am. I started living on my own at the age of 25 as I lived with my former boyfriend before. I started doing yoga, chasing my dreams in Africa, came back and worked a lot, then I had a burn-out around my 30. My horizon was a black hole at that point. I knew I had to change things in life. Being in an office made me extremely unhappy, working for advertisement or sales is just something I can not clarify to myself as time well spent for myself. I started turning my life around. Went to see a therapist, started a child coach education as I have a huge curiosity how a child develops, did a NLP course. I needed to come out of my own pain and history before taking steps to go searching. The relationship with my parents became even worse. I wanted to speak to them about the choices they made in life for me. It always ended in tears for me. I can not be myself around them. If I want to be around them I have to be a different person which I am not. Before starting the big search for family in Iran I have tried to better our relationship, I wanted to go in therapy with them. To see if we can meet half way in order to be with each other without arguments. We had one session only and some serious talk made me realize they do not think it is possible to have a better relationship. They do not have the power or the willingness to be there for me. We now only see each other only for a birthday or so and that is it. They live their lives happy together. I have let go of my own frustration about it. As I do know in my heart I would have done it all differently if I would be the parent. So tonight I came home from work, realizing I love my job. All the jobs I had in my life which were not seated jobs I love. I have to walk around, talk and interact and care for other people in order to feel alive and be happy. That is when I am at my best.
So tonight I started reading old blogs of mine in Dutch which was good as I need to open up again. Being busy with the campaign and all eyes on the project of Finding Farideh stopped me from expressing myself as I used to do. I need to write and reflect. As that is who I am. I have many passions in life… animals, writing, nature, traveling, music and my friends who accept the real me. I started this blog with the title Find Farideh as in ‘I will Find Farideh’. I know now that I am finding Farideh from within. It is all about connection with yourself and the rest of the world. The beauty never fades, life is about how you cope with it and move on with the neverending love for life itself.
Namaste.

About elinexplores

I am Eline Farideh, sometimes I am Eline and most of the time Farideh too . Always writing from both views. ElinExplores and I will FInd Farideh in the meantime. Iranian Dutch. Persian Soul in Dutch Life. Flying down to earth. With love and light. For you.. and I.
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One Response to My passions in life

  1. Simone Luijt says:

    Hoi Farideh,
    Vandaag las ik je verhaal over je zoektocht. Heftig om te lezen, misschien ook omdat ik je van vroeger ken. Heel veel succes met zoeken. Ga zo kijken hoe het werkt om je te steunen:)
    Groet Simone

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