Ten years ago I met Sonja and by meeting Sonja I came in contact with shamanism.
At the heart of the Shamanic path is the contract to live in harmony with nature, self, community and spirit. The Medicine Wheel, or Wheel of Life, is represented by the four directions: it symbolizes the cycle of life, without beginning or end, and provides guidance for living. While the Medicine Wheel varies by culture, it universally honors the core belief that all things on earth are living and all things are interconnected. The four directions, as taught through Native American knowledge, are deeply embedded with symbolism and guidance for transformation.
I started singing in Sonja’s female circle and discovered how it feels to open my throat chakra. To use my voice out loud. To ground first in meditation, to welcome our ancestors, spirits and power animals to the circle, to connect and to honor the east, south, west and north. To honour the directions, Wheel of Life and the powerful meaning behind the directions. I learned to be open, warm and neutral, accept all that is. Not being judgmental was a relief for me, letting go of my opinions. Singing and the tradition of Shamanism gave me the strength in myself which I needed to start searching for my roots. It gave me the power to feel my own worth, to open up, to connect and it gives me roots and wings. It gives me stars in my eyes of love, of joy, of feeling free. Especially in a female circle, the resonance of the vocals together can touch you in ways you can not explain, that is just pure magic right then and there. Singing is healing for your body, mind and soul.
The Shamanic ancient way of living and views speak to me more than any other way. It is part of me as how it feels. This is home coming and it completely resonates with me wholeheartedly.
I also noticed in me that I did not write about it a lot as I think people will not get what I am writing. Though like minded people will understand and therefor I would love to share this as it is such an important part of my life. My spiritual being and awakening.
I had a huge interest in spirituality at a young age.. Basically when I started going to the library to get books, I became interested in books about this subject. My parents didn’t believe this stuff at all, they are atheists. I could not believe they do not believe in more than meets the eye. I felt pretty strong about this back then and still do.
My friend G and I at high school even did a presentation about spirituality and received a 9 for it, as everything we told was completely new for everyone in class including the teacher. My first and only 9 for a presentation, we were so proud!
I remember at the age of 22 years old I saw an add in the newspaper about yoga, I was so intrigued by the description of yoga, that I had to go. When I met the yoga teacher Inge, I looked into her eyes and we had a moment of crystal recognition. So definitely someone whom I met before.. from a past life. Doing yoga and doing the course Avatar was to me eye-opening to all there is and more.
I honor all the people who come into my life and be part of it, even if it is for a few moments. I am grateful for every human being I have met and every experience I gain. I will never forget the way we connect, even if time passes I can recall our connection if it was yesterday. As time is an illusion in the spirit world. The same with all the animals I have encountered. They play a huge roll in my life as well and nature is where I feel best. And the same with all the people who passed over to the other side. This deep feeling of respect, to be alive this lifetime and to be humble for all I receive. To undergo the teachings of this lifetime.
I think being in the orphanage for 10 long months was an experience in my life that made me conscious of what life is about. It is about connecting with other people and sharing moments with each other, interact with each other and feeling connected. Alone is just alone in this world. Being alone can be meaningful for yourself if you know you will be connected again later on. As the baby I was of 6 months old, 10 months must have been the feeling of a lifetime.. without being sure of the future. Faith took over with the help of my guardian angels. I believe my spirit choosed my Dutch parents on forehand in order for me to learn some life lessons. On which I am still working on. The beauty of letting go and understand the bigger picture is massive.
The experience of life has always been the reason to keep going. Even when life paused for me and the darkest of dark side I was facing, my curiosity never stopped. Though the suffering was immense and there were moments in several stages of my life I thought of suicide and understood why people would do this. The inner suffering makes you want to stop it all at times. The inner heart pain can be so huge that you don’t see your own horizon anymore, you are facing the mountains and you are crawling on the floor without energy without connection to anyone to save you. I carried my burdens. Life exhausted me. How am I supposed to walk and talk… let alone smile again I wondered. Life felt raw, bitter and so disappointing at many times. I knew I would not live a ‘normal’ life like others. I knew I was different due to my past, origin and feelings who came with this. And I know now it is possible.. to grow and to heal. And to leave the mountains behind me, better said, they are part of me though they do not define me anymore. The mountains have become flowing rivers or beautiful waterfalls. I can go back to the pain and suffering in a second. I can feel the feeling of utter heartache.
I am a happy, joyful person by heart and nature. Both are in balance right now. I am aware of my triggers too. As I once wrote I can cry and laugh about the pain in my veins and still be happy.
I choose life. To the fullest. I owe that to myself.
At this stage in life I am clearly in the surrender phase. Surrender to the Great Spirit, the divine plan of the Universe. In my dreams I asked to meet one of my guardian angel as I have clearly heard his voice before though never met him. The other week I got to meet him and when I jumped in his arms (we were liquid / energy) I surrender myself completely. With trust, with faith, with love, with all these feelings of safety.. I surrender myself in that moment and we became one in energy. It was so interesting and the power of that feeling of surrendering was immense, overwhelming powerful and so strong. I let go of my own control, my insecurities and let them lead the way. We are all energy and connected to one another.
We all have a purpose in life even though you don’t know it yet, we all have one. I for a long time did not know my purpose in life. I am still in my journey to work out mine.
And ever since Finding Farideh is released three years ago, first in Iran then the world and then the Netherlands.. I feel as a new born with so much love inside for me and for all around me. All of a sudden I feel the warmth in my heart and it is like a heater or better said a wild fire and I let the loving energy flow, I feel so good. So loved. So in love with every moment. I feel that I am in the right place and time. In the right now.
‘I am loved, I am worthy and I do belong’ has been my mantra the past 10 years. Those words made me cry for a few years and it took me a long time to actually say it and feel it, especially the last one about belonging.
Sonja passed on her wisdom about Shamanism to me and I will always be grateful, joyful and humble for this gift. Sonja is a mentor and dear friend for me and and Angel of the Universe to us all.
I have grown so much, and healed myself for the sake of the love I always felt for myself and for life.
I am here. I take my place and space now in the universe.
In a loving state of mind. And love & honor you for all you are to me and love & honor me for all I am to myself and to you at the same time.