Cry baby day

Sorting out my stuff, how much can one collect in 20 years… A freaking LOT!!!
I am reading beautiful love letters, going back in time in my teenager years. Perhaps unthinkable for the youth nowadays, how we grew up. With letters, faxes and phone calls. And have I written letters, oh boy! I also realize I have not much filter now, though growing up I had no filter at all, in those days I was happy if I could talk to someone, I did not learn to hold back. I was raw honest to everyone, and still am today. I had to figure out the world on my own. I am emotional independent since I am 6 months so there for I can have high and low level of emotions really quick, I know that. I am just grateful to anyone who is nice to me, who is kind and open to me. That to me is the gift of life.
I am a keeper, so I still have my train ticket from 1996 for instance or the time I visited London or Paris when being 15 and 16 years old. I have tickets, entree tickets, postcards etc. Though the question now arises, is it still necessary to keep it. Does it matter if I throw it away and never see it anymore, all the things we are attached to, do we really need it?!?
Is our emotional value to it more worthy? Can we live without it? We do not need things in general. I have lived on my own for 20 years, I need change. I always knew I would leave the Netherlands and now the time has come. Saying my goodbye to my beautiful home, house, walls, garden who kept me safe and warm during the years with the interior just the way I like it. Saying my goodbye to all my neighbor friends. Saying goodbye to my friends, to the grey days (!).. this process is just so beautiful and scary at the same time. Letting go of my safe place. One moment I am fine and happy, other moment I am saying ‘What the hell am I doing and what was the reason again!’ Twenty years ago I dreamed of the life I lived here, now it is time to become a voyager and work on my future dreams.
A new era is starting and I am loving it, and sometimes I cry like today tears are falling down as waterfalls. Some people say I am brave, and then I am thinking, I have been there already I know what it is like to have no home, now I am doing it the adult way and not the orphan way. Letting go and making space for new energy, for new people in my life and for new experiences. New future and dreams. I love Amsterdam, been here for 25 years. It felt home from day one, now I need to go. There is so much more to explore in life. I love myself more and more for taking action, instead of  accepting to remain without change. I am in control and I listen to my intuition. I follow the sun. I follow my heart. I change it all. Persian Soul in Devine Life.
Was having a cry baby day. The ego needs to let go too. It awakes me. The inner child needs validation, I am always here for her first. The feeling of wholeness inside me.

About elinexplores

Persian Soul in Dutch Life. Flying down to earth.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply