Free bird

Amsterdam, 5 juni 2007

Free bird

she’s flying away
she’s discovering her way
she’s achieving her goal
she’s making her life
as free as she can be

the free bird is inside of me

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Sweet music

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Amsterdam, 20 juli 2006


The weight is slowly falling off the shoulders
They were getting sore and exhausting in the end
Getting back to who I am and what I am about
Feels like I have fallen into the sky with butterflies

Flying in my dreams is what I do to touch the sunlight
My weight is dropping down and the full moon shines
All stars of the world into the light to be reunited in the dark
They will all find their way home and feel a million years lighter

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Manoto TV

A few weeks ago I asked Manoto TV if they could post my interview on their Instagram account as well. This morning they posted it! One day after a historic day as it feels the world can breathe again.. great timing.

So I need my Persian glasses again hahaha.
Or glasses in general.
Reading glasses.

Third sign of becoming older.. besides my beautiful wrinkels and grey hair.. lol.
Ja jaaaaaaa… 45 years.. (!!)

So another boost for my search, more tips and advice from friends..
It is an interesting world!


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In my dreams

In my dreams we meet
in spirit to unite
distance and time
do not exist between
you and I

In my dreams we meet
in silence we talk
words and sound
we do not need
the heart tells all

Close your eyes
open the third
the universe highlight
our ways across the globe
for us to meet

again and again.

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The depth of light seeks the meaning of life

23 mei  2008

De oneindigheid van het internet biedt ons steun, steun aan elkaar. Onze levens leiden wij zonder beeld maar met genoeg erkenning voor elkaar. Wij schrijven de stem van de ziel in muziek. De puurheid en kunst van de geschreven tekst. Wij omarmen de wijsheden en bejubelen de inzichten. De rust zoals jij het beschrijft. De rust maar ook de ruimte. De stilte met alleen je gedachtes. Orde scheppen in chaos, je gevoel begrijpen, het leven verstaan. Soms zo simpel maar vaak ook zo moeilijk. Iedereen heeft het recht om te bestaan. Wij hebben de vrijheid om te mogen schrijven. Vanuit ons hart. De stem zingt en geeft ons het licht. De diepte van het licht zoekt de betekenis van het leven. Het aardse leven waar zoveel gebeurt wat wij niet kunnen bevatten, vraagtekens en ongeloof worden soms pijnlijk zichtbaar. Open staan en alle kanten verkennen, je mening vormen en daar achter staan. Afwegingen liggen altijd klaar maar uiteindelijk wint het hart. Want het hart heeft uiteindelijk altijd gelijk. Het hart dat ben jij. En dat ben ik. Alles uit het leven halen omdat wij het allemaal waard zijn.

PS. We shall find peace, we shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds. –Anton Chekhov-


English: google translate

The infinity of the internet offers us support, support for each other. We lead our lives without images but with enough recognition for each other. We write the voice of the soul in music. The purity and art of the written text. We embrace the wisdom and applaud the insights. The tranquility as you describe it. The tranquility but also the space. The silence with only your thoughts. Creating order in chaos, understanding your feelings, understanding life. Sometimes so simple but often so difficult. Everyone has the right to exist. We have the freedom to write. From our hearts. The voice sings and gives us the light. The depth of light seeks the meaning of life. The earthly life where so much happens that we cannot comprehend, question marks and disbelief are sometimes painfully visible. Be open and explore all sides, form your opinion and support it. Considerations are always ready, but in the end the heart wins. Because the heart is always right in the end. The heart is you. And that’s I. Getting the most out of life because we are all worth it.

PS. We shall find peace, we shall hear the angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds. –Anton Chekhov-

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Sweet music

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Today I got an e-mail from Ancestry that my DNA matches are ready to see.
And also my origin. It is a exciting moment to see my new matches… 5 matches of people who are my 4th – 6th cousin.. (still very far away)  of 209 matches.

According to Ancestry my origin is:
80% Iran / Persia
10% Central Asia
8 %  Turkey & the Caucasus
2 %  Northern India

So I consider myself Persian unless proven otherwise. The whole Iraqi / Kurdish thing is fine though I just don’t know anything really.

On the other hand, I do realize that the only solution will be a match in a DNA data bank probably to reconnect with my birth family…

Iran is just so immense big and there are so many Iranians.  I don’t know what to believe anymore. I am tired. Just like to focus on myself inwards instead of on myself outwards. Searching is tiring, chasing a ghost it feels like. I don’t want to ping-pong with my feelings. I am a bit emotional I guess. Lockdown and being alone most of the time makes it all a bit harder than normal.

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Some thoughts..

So maybe I am Arabic or Kurdish instead of Persian..
So maybe Iran could only be the place where I was abandoned.
So maybe Iraq was the country I was born into or Kurdistan.
Or maybe I am from Iranian Kurdistan. Or both.

Anything is possible. As always.

In a way it does not matter at all.. spiritually

I am who I am.
I am whole.


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All of a sudden I am realizing in the DNA speaking way.. I am not Persian..
Let that sink in.


My physical body is not Persian, it is from countries around Iran, Iraq, the Middle East and India, Afghanistan and Central Asia, and a bit of Celtic and the nomads in the Andes so Iraqi is one parent than..?

So weird this.
In a way nothing changes and in a way everything changes.

My DNA consists of half Iraqi and anything but Persian, though in history they were, could be from anywhere really..
Chaos in my head. Hahaha, it is what it is and always was.
New ways appear..
AHA moment big time.
I need time to contemplate all of this first.

My new relationship with Iraq.
I am half Iraqi. Bagdadi or Kurdish.
And Arab.


And I am not giving up my Persian pride.. hahaha.
Phoeh. Thanks for listening.

With love,

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